im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
