HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
