I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
