I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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