I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
