I think I died a long time ago.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Shame - the story of my life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
