I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
