You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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