im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
