chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
