You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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