Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
