I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
