you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
high people should be assigned attendants
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
