Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
