I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
