I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
