just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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