I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize