Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Girls should come with a carfax report
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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