if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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