We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
