I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
