i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
