is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
