I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
