if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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