I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
