so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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