so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
