I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
