I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize