So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
