I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
