i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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