If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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