R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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