he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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