and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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