her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
