I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
