Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
