i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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