So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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