All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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