i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry my hands just texted you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize