remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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