I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
