stop calling my apartment porn island.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
