i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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