just come out here and I will go home with you...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
