She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize