Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
