I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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