I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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