I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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