Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
