dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
