Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
