worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
