Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize