know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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