I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
