apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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