Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
