I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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