All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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