Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
