i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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