I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
