ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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