I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm getting married
To pizza
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
