Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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