Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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