he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize