Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Randomize
