Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
