She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
