we're making bets on your personal life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize