your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
