my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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