I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
