vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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