if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
