I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
