how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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