You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
