We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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