Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
