just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
