Who did Billy Mays play for?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
